The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
