I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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