My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
