Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let's get the cat blown out
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
