Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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