all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
PANTIES FOUND
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