You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
