He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
