just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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