If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
