the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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