My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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