If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
