I'm so fucking centered right now
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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