i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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