on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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