How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
