i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
