I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
