I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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