Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
