Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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