what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
