i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
