I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
