There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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