new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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