Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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