That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
