One girl and one boy is just not enough.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
