sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
