he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
