i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
