I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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