dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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