3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
