I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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