Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
