maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
