He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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