I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
