go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
