I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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