You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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