Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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