Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
