What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
