she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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