In the future we'll all be gay
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
