The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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