if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
