Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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