shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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